10 Reasons I am not qualified to be a Knit Blogger

Be afraid. Be very afraid. I’ve become addicted to knit blogs. I’ll find one that I like and then I’ll read all the posts from the very first to the most recent. Its fascinating to hear about different regions and countries, and the various accomplishments of these folks, and it keeps knitting fresh and fun for me.

That being said…

Is it just me, or does it seem like there are certain prerequisites for having your own knit blog? What I mean is, knitting is more popular than ever. I dare say, it’s trendy. I would never have guessed how insanely popular it is until I joined Ravelry and watched the waiting list grow longer and longer each day in amazement.

There is no doubt that the internet has made it easier for folks to communicate about their hobbies and passions, but it’s like a freaking yarncraftsplosion! I could sit and read knitting blogs 24 hours a day without making a dent in the content out there.

Even so, there are a few trends I’ve noticed in knit blogs that make me wonder if I’m even justified in creating my own.

Disclaimer: If you aren’t prepared to laugh at yourself as a self-proclaimed knit blogger, go no further.

Knit Blogger Prerequisites

1. Must insert knit pun into blog’s title, no matter how cheesy ridiculous it sounds. Nope, no knit pun in sight.
   
2. Must be a lacto-vegetarian who only shops at local co-ops and has a lifetime membership to Whole Foods. B-b-but, I like steak! And pork. And chicken. And fish. Did I mention I like steak? We don’t even HAVE a Whole Foods in Minnesota! I like granola bars, does that count?
   
   

   These guys know how to make a girl feel welcome!

3. Must have at least one bizarre fiber allergy. Acrylic, alpaca, bunny wabbits, cotton. Sometimes wool feels itchy on a hot day?
4. Must be incredibly prolific in their knitscapades. We’re talkin a sweater a week, two pairs of socks, and a blanket, minimum. Every item looks like it just came off the rack, perfectly blocked, and shaped to their proportions. Hell no. It took me three weeks to make a baby sweater. In 95% stockingette stictch.
5. Must post yarnpOrn with regular frequency and spend more money than God has on yarn, needles, and patterns. If the name of the yarn is unpronounceable, +10 points. Call me cheap frugal, but I can only afford 1-2 projects at a time. I’m making myself use all my yarn before I buy any more. It just helps me avoid divorce court , ummm cuts down on chances of searching for my lost child under a yarn-avalanche, ummm makes my anal-retentive self happy.
6. Must have stash of prolific proportions. Easily 3 times their weight in wool. Hey, who wouldn’t love to have that much yarn at their fingertips? My only guess is that there is a second mortgage or massive credit card bills involved. Rumors of yarn pimping are unsubstantiated…
7. Must live in quirky/crafty/retro environment that is always spotless and fashionable. And of course, every square inch of said domicile is covered in self-crafted decor that puts Pier One to shame. Bwuahahahahahahaha. I have at this very moment a half-empty box of Oreos, some quasi-dirty laundry, cough syrup, 3 weeks of my son’s schoolwork, and a baking scale sitting on my dresser. Mmmm, Oreos…
   
   

   Exhibit A

8. Must work/own in craft/yarn store, or have done so at some time in the past. (Secretly, I think this is the only way someone could acquire such massive amounts of yarn!) Or alternately, must have degree or be working on post-grad degree in fiber arts/sculpture/photography/underwater basket-weaving and was incredibly crafty as a child. I didn’t even realize that yarn shops existed until about a year ago. They sure do rock though! The cool factor in working at one would be off the charts. As for the artsy-craftsy stuff, I can barely draw a straight line. My photos always come out fuzzy or the occupants look possessed. I like to draw horns on them if their eyes are really red. It’s amazing I don’t stab myself with my own knitting needles. (Thank god for blunt tips!)
9. Must know other celebrity knit bloggers on a first-name basis, and regularly correspond with knit designers and editors. Does blog-stalking said celebrity knit bloggers count as “knowing” them?
10. Must have sparkling chipper personality that allows you to look at the world in a positive light at all times, yet draws readers and somehow manages to never offend anyone. Use of sarcasm is minimal, and PC is the norm. Crap, I am so screwed.